That Girl Short Story

 Chapter 1:  Becoming “That Girl

Becoming "That Girl" isn’t all as easy as the media, society and influencers make it out to be. It’s a whole lifestyle change and front that most girls feel they have to put on. They put on that front so they don’t get judged, because deep down all girls and women are the same. We all just want to be accepted and loved for who we are.

Who am I? I’m definitely not "That Girl"

I like to dress up like most girls do, but I don’t have it all together. I don’t stick to a diet or have a workout each morning, and I don’t have that office job that the materialistic girl has.

What I do have.. is a bad obsession with burgers, anxiety, a nail-biting habit and maybe a shopping addiction! But also the mindset of a rich girl …. Who’s with me?!

I’m a girl or young woman should I say, In her 20's and I don’t have it all together. And I don’t know when I will have it all together.. but that’s okay!

What I do have though is an amazing guy, a loving dog and a house that I have no idea how I managed to get it together for!

But the chaos of life doesn’t stop there... So now you’ve hit your goal of buying your own house, having your dream partner and a job that only just pays the bills. Next it’s home renovations after two years of being in your home because you realise your home isn’t as put together as you thought it was. But where do you find the money after just buying this house? 

Then you have all these other plans for life and holidays, but just no money to action them and that my girl is when you hit becoming an adult! It sucks.

It’s hard being a girl in your 20’s with anxiety but also a drive to be fun & successful so you just keep pushing through life, because you only live once right? So you have to make the most of it.

There’s just so much pressure on being a woman let alone an adult.

You have to be thin but not too thin, and you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy but also you have to be thin. You have to have the dollars, but you can't ask for money because that looks bad.

You have to lead, but you can’t be a leader. You're supposed to love the role of being a mother, but your put down if you talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. 

You have to answer for men's bad behaviour,  which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood.

That is all on society and the ways we have been taught for centuries about how and why we have to be a certain way. 
 

Chapter 2 : The Trend of Glowing Up

The trend of glowing up to fit societies standards has been around forever. I can't lie definitely fallen victim to it multiple times, but now that its so normalised people are willing to just go and break their bank on nails, eye lashes, hair just to fit in.

I don't know about you but trying to keep up with beauty standards is exhausting. Every friday back as a teen I would fake tan, tint my eyebrows, shave my whole body, facials and organise mid-week to get nails and eyelashes done.

I would even not eat just so I would look better. It would make me feel good in the moment, I'd be pumped for a nightout.

But then by Monday I would be like "why am i not fulfilled?" And that's because I thought I was doing self-care. But really, I was just trying to fit in to the beauty standards. The question was I trying to look better or feel better? If you've ever fallen victim to the "glow up" phase you've probably realised your results don't last.

It's really because you're only focusing on the physical aspect. You can spend thousands to look better but if you're not focusing on the mental side of things it's not going to happen.

Women feel the pressure that by a certain age you should be hitting certain milestones. It starts with getting your licence. Just because you can start to drive at 16 years old doesn't mean you have to... but you're pressured to because everyone else is.

Then comes to getting a job if you're coming to the end of school or you've finished, you start getting questions like "you should get a job", "why don't you have a job?" You're looked at in a bad way if you accept money from people when you could be getting your own.

Then by the time your in your 20s you should definitely have your own place, a car and a job no questions asked. If you don't you've kinda failed hitting those milestones at the "right time". You feel like you're missing something or doing something wrong but really everyone has their own story, and everyone wants what others have.

You might go on holiday, but your friend may have just had a baby. You see their attention and baby shower post online and you feel the urge that you want what she has. Meanwhile your friend is trying to put her new baby to sleep and the baby is screaming.

It's 10:30pm and you're at a roof top bar, a little tipsy with your boyfriend, and your friend who's trying to put her baby to sleep at home decides to go on her phone. She sees your post having the best time and she says "I wish that was me." Then you decide to scroll on your phone, you see her happy baby posts and you say "I wish that was me" you can't win.  Everyone is forever going to feel like they are missing out on something with fomo just because someone has something or has had an experience you haven't had. You just have to appreciate the moments and what you already have.

Chapter 3: Becoming a Mother

As a woman your automatically supposed to want to reproduce. If you say you don’t want children people will look at you like you just killed a kitten. You will get questions like, why not?  You have to have acceptable reasons as to why you don’t want to even though it’s your body and your choice to make.

All because there is women out there who cannot have children but want them. So you are made to feel guilty for them because their body can’t do what yours can.

Which is not okay, why should we have to make a choice with our body based on others?

Then when you decide to have your first child you will get so many opinions on what your friends, family and mother thinks you should do, or the way that they put their baby to sleep, or when they first gave their baby solids. They just want to help you yeah but then your supposed to take in everyone’s help and put it to action.

Becoming a mother isn’t easy you miss out on a lot of events and moments as soon as you become pregnant. Your body goes through massive amounts of changes, pain, exhaustion but your life and routine doesn’t just stop because your pregnant. You have to accept the changes and keep going otherwise people think you get a free pregnancy pass on life. When your baby is finally here it’s a whole new life and learning curve, you’ve brought this precious human into the world that’s a piece of you and a piece of your partner it’s amazing. But your world changes, everything changes you have to learn how to adapt to everything in a new way.

People will judge and try to help in their own way, but you aren’t going to want their help with everything because your baby isn’t the same as their baby. 

You will worry about being out in public with your child and the judgey looks if someone thinks you aren’t doing something right just because your child is crying. People just stare and wonder what’s going on but really all you said to little Johnny is “you can’t take the tiger from the zoo home."

Children are honestly the best thing. They bring so many qualities to your life but also drive you crazy at the same time. One minute they are happy the next minute they can be throwing their blocks at you (and not the soft ones). You never know what to say to them their response is unknown but once their set off that’s it it’s hard to go back to laughter and playing for at least an hour. So you resort to bribery because you know that always works and you just want some peace and quiet while you have your coffee.

Then when they hit the school years there’s more people to judge your parenting. The teachers and the parents, you just want to be a good mum you try your best your new to this parenting thing and you want to be guided not criticised. But you feel like that’s too much to ask as that’s the way it’s portrayed.

If your child doesn’t get the best grades, or isn't  the best behaved or doesn’t have the best costume for the play at the school show then you are bound to be judged.

It’s okay and completely normal not to be a soccer mum.

Chapter 4: What Even Is Healthy? 

There is a lot of stereo types judging by what’s healthy and what’s not. For instance being a bigger built woman apparently means she’s not healthy?

People think that if a woman is bigger built, she mustn’t look after herself... That’s so not the case. You can be any size and still be healthy, a thin person might look healthy, but they might not be on the inside. 

There’s also stereotypes with dieting that you practically have to eat grass to lose weight if you're on a diet you have to stick to it... So not true! If you include a balance of food with meat and veg and a side of protein/carbs and exercise you will be fine. Again, you only live once, you want to eat that chocolate, eat it!! The world won’t fall part. It’s healthier to give into your cravings than try and fill your cravings with something else or more of what you're craving later on rather than just eating that piece of chocolate.  

The weight-loss industry tends to be very focused on women. Perhaps this is because there’s an assumption that women care more about their bodies and the way they look than men do, or maybe it’s because it’s assumed that women put on weight more easily than men and have a harder time losing it.

If you see a woman that’s a little bigger out at a fast-food restaurant don’t just assume she eats there all the time, it may have taken her a big melt down or panic attack to get there despite what others might think.

It’s your body it’s okay to do what you want with it, don’t let others tell you otherwise or bring you down... We don't have enough time on this earth to worry about that. 

Chapter 5 : Trends & Fashion 

(That Girl Fashion) I think, is those kinds of girls that wear neutral fashion looks & the way they always look neat, presentable while I dress comfy miss matched half the time and also look daggy as hell. My hair is usually always a mess thanks to having curly hair! 

I wonder how they feel, Like if they ever think "I wish I could just wear trackies with a messy bun and not care."

A girl shouldn’t have to worry about how she looks before she leaves the house everyday. Women have so many other things on their mind let alone worrying about how they look. 

Women are made to feel bad about their self for showing a little skin. If you show skin, it's your fault if men turn their heads, or if your makeup isn't on point and you can see your imperfections. I think some men need to take some responsibility for their actions it’s not fair on women to be blamed for how they look or dress and they shouldn’t have to be made to feel bad about it just because males can't control them self or understand what loyalty is. 

All the stereotypes out there brain wash people's perception and ability to have their own opinions. Who cares if you look more natural than a magazine with an airbrushed barbie face.. That's not real and why would you wanna look so fake? 

Wear what you want to a degree, but still look out for yourself and have common sense.

If more people wore what they wanted and didn’t care what other people thought people wouldn’t be embarrassed on their appearance and they would learn to have more self-love.

Chapter 6 : The Girl With Anxiety 

People that don't have anxiety don't understand how hard it is to live with it. You become a perfectionist of your life and how you live it.

You want to be more and do more but you are too scared of the steps it takes to get there. You want to do something but it requires you to do the thing first that triggers your anxiety, so then you are stuck.

You are stuck in that rut because you are too scared to get out of your comfort zone in the world. Its stopping you from doing what you wanna do and being who you wanna be. It sucks because no one understands what's going on in your head. You wanna say hello to that person but they don't say hello first so you think they don't like you.

You wanna be the best you can be at work but the stressful situations make you forget things. You wanna speak to that person that talks down to you and intimidates you each day but your too scared to start an argument.

You want to get that new job with the best opportunities but it's far and your too scared to drive there. You want to buy that new phone but your too scared to make a big purchase and building the money up again.

The anxiety controls your life and all you want is for people to understand and say "I get it , I'm here for you." 

In this Chapter I’m going to give you an eye opening outlook into my everyday life and the struggles I go through living with anxiety. 

What does it feel like to have anxiety?

Hmm.. What does it feel like? Id say

It can feel like a lot of things from mental to physical to emotional. In stressful situations you can start to sweat, shake, feel disoriented. You can get heart palpitations or feel dizzy. You can even feel sick in the stomach and looking around a room can even look dim like the lights are going out.

That’s just some symptoms people face in an anxiety attack.

When did you realise you had anxiety?

I have lived with anxiety since a child but never knew what the feeling was or why I felt like an alien compared to everyone else. I always knew I was different but didn’t know I had a mental illness that would affect my adult life.

My anxiety peaked when I hit adulthood and faced the real struggles of life. Having friends and socialising at parties. Having a job or enough money for a car. Then buying a house. Then as you start to get abit older the struggles start to grow.

There’s a lot of things that goes through a persons head when they have anxiety. 

They can have all these thoughts running through their head but when you look at them they are just staring off into space, or their having a conversation with you or even be trying to sleep. 

What are your worries with Anxiety?

I have always worried about having a good life. A fun life filled with everything I love and want. I’ve always had a crazy drive to have a lot of money because a lot of money gives you what you want in life right?

All I have wanted is to have the best life and be known for something before I’m gone. Having anxiety instills this fear of death/dying and just getting old for some, me being one of those people. I’m afraid of getting old and dying and not living a fulfilled life. 

There’s a lot of things to be scared about with anxiety at least that’s what people with anxiety think. They think and feel like they have to be the best at everything because there’s that drive there or else we are a failure at life because we are different to everyone else. 

What struggles do you have in your workplace?

At work, that’s a big one for me. Everyday at work is hard because I don’t really wanna be there, I feel like I’m out of place like I’m not valued or liked by everyone, I don’t feel safe with my anxiety in a workplace like that.

I always put in 100 percent at work, I work to the best of my ability even if it’s not my favourite place. I’ve always been that way because I’m that kind of person but I still want the best for myself.

I go by treat people the way you would like to be treated. But with my anxiety I find it hard sometimes because I take things to heart a lot, I go off body language and tones. I watch the way people act around me, talk and judge them that way which a lot of the time makes me think people don’t like me and half the time I am wrong.

What about your sleep how’s that?

Sleep?  What sleep HAHA 

My sleep isn’t the best I do sleep but I’m a night owl who doesn’t do well with early rises. I’ve always been a night owl and when I do try and sleep my brain doesn’t shut off, even sleeping I have crazy dreams that seem so real sometimes.

As a child I used to not sleep well at all I would have nightmares or walk around the house, my eyes would play tricks on me and think I see things. So then I would turn the tv on and from there my habit of sleeping with the tv on came about. I still don’t do well sleeping on my own really. I sleep better with my partner next to me even though he snores sometimes.

What do you want out of life and how does your anxiety affect that?

I just have this drive to be known for something. I guess it comes from my childhood of not doing well in school and always feeling like I wasn’t good enough.

I just want to succeed and have the best life possible and finally say I made it, I’m not a failure...

Chapter 7 : The Drunk Girl

She likes alcohol because it makes her say things she wants to say when she doesn’t have a drink in her hand.
She likes to have a drink because it makes her feel confident & alive, she doesn’t care what others think & the anxiety disappears.It makes her so happy in a way she hasn’t felt before..like it feels like real happiness,the stress is gone but it's not real happiness .

She thinks to herself I wish I could feel like this sober. She loves the person she starts to Become just after two drinks. Only because she feels that she is what she can’t be sober. Confident.Proud. Social. She stumbles a little as she walks off away from the loud noise and people off to the bathroom.

She goes inside turns around and locks the door behind as she looks into the mirror at herself.
Bags under her bloodshot eyes, hair a mess,she says quietly to herself “Why can’t I be this person without the alcohol?"

Deep down she doesn’t want to drink. She just does it because everyone else does and it’s a social thing.

But sometimes she can have too many, she doesn’t mean to she just gets too caught up in the moment of having a good time and feeling alive that she looses track of what’s going on.

 Of course she doesn’t wanna make a fool of herself at parties or events,she hears the stories the next day about her of things she doesn’t remember doing or saying. Some people say she is like a complete different person.Some say she is hilarious,a wild child. But she doesn’t remember everything. It can be a little embarrassing. But she is the same girl …she just needs to fake it till she makes it. Just pretend. Be brave….tell herself she can be that person without that drink.